You know this is how it went down.
Levi Johnston, the guy who got Bristol Palin pregnant, has got to be the most unlucky guy in the world. First, he’s going, “Dude, I just slept with the Governor’s daughter.” Now, he’s like, “Dude, her mother was just nominated Vice President of the Republican Party.” I can imagine the conversation he had with Palin’s handlers, “Mr Johnston, here’s the deal. It would look very bad for Bristol to be an unwed single mother. I know you’re young, and you made a mistake, and under usual circumstances, you would just take off on a fishing boat and leave her, but these are no usual circumstances. So here’s what’s going down. You marry her, and life will be very good. The wedding will be taken care of, your house will be taken care of, you can bring your bros over to the White House for a hockey game. We can even arrange a visit with your favorite hockey team, and can you say season VIP tickets? And once she’s in, you can divorce her and everything will be cool. Now, should you decide otherwise, here’s the deal. Life is going to get very difficult. You will be audited by the IRS every year. You will be automatically placed on the terrorist watch list, so forget about the lower 48 states, since you won’t be allowed to drive through Canada and you can’t fly. I hope you like Alaska. And maybe you’ll get lost and disappear in the Alaskan wilderness. You know it’s a very big wilderness and it happens all the time. So what’s your call young man?